Just why again?

Well i was feeling really down on monday and i dont know why. I keep on having these dreams with him in and i just fear that him leaving on a mission will ruin me. But i know that its right and that hes my role model he just doesnt truely know yet. So i cried all monday night thinking about him and the spirit that he has. I want to be like him but i dont know how and i dont know how to solve all of my problems and i dont know how to tell him that hes my role model. Any help please.......